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Hi everyone,
This is my first time posting on the NISIG site and on this subject in general. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for over 2 years now with no luck. We've had several tests done (in Belgium as we're living in Brussels) and my husband has unfortunately being diagnosed as infertile (low sperm count and morphology, etc.).. Our Gyno/Obs has recommended that we go directly now for IVF with ICSI because of my age (36)...we had a brief meeting with her last Thursday during which she was pushing us for IVF + ICSI and that we should start as soon as possible, etc. It seems that once we pay €2,700 to the clinic I will get the necessary hormones and the cycle will begin: 'as simple as that'! We received a lot of facts from her during the very rushed meeting and to be honest we were completely overwhelmed by the info and the shock of having to go through this... like others have said on this forum you just never think it's going to be you... All my family in Ireland have children (I'm the eldest of 5 children who all have at least 2 kids) and it is very difficult for us each time we come home for the family events (christenings, holy Communions, Christmas, etc.). I don't know anyone else, in my circle, who has gone through this so I feel really alone... Needless to say my husband feels really down about it and feels like a complete failure and that he has failed me which is not the case. I've been searching online for information or support groups since then and this is the first one that I've found that I can relate to because the groups in Belgium are mainly in Flemish (I don't speak Dutch) and being born and raised in Ireland I can identify more with you. We have so many questions on this like what do they do with the unfertilised eggs, will the hormones have an affect on me, what are the risks of ICSI, what is it like going through IVF, etc.
Has anyone else 'out there' gone through IVF and or IVF with ICSI? Your help would be really greatly appreciated.
With warm wishes and in hope,
Mellie
Hi Mellie,
So many members here have gone through ivf/icsi treatment (We did 3 icsi treatments and have suffered a m/c and we now moved on to the inter- country adoption journey). What you are going through is very, very difficult.. at times I think that it can be cruxifyingly hard.. especially when sisters and brothers have children of their own.. and it can be so hard for our partners. All I can say is be there for each other.. Keep talking.. and being honest with each other about how you are feeling.. even when sometimes it is very painful..
Different clinics follow different protocols. We too were very overwhelmed by the news.. and very frightened.. If your clinic offers you a counselling service, avail of it if you can.. it can help to talk things through.. If you are back in Ireland at a time of a nisig meeting, do try and make it.. I find the meetings great to chat things through... even now that we have moved on from treatment..
Know that so many of us have gone through this.. and that we are here to support you..
Best of luck, Folle
Dear Mellie,
I am really sorry to hear you are having such a bad time. Having fertility problems is very isolating at the best of times and I can imagine it is even worse not being able to access support in your preferred language. I can also imagine that having your doc recommend IVF + ICSI is a bit of a shock. I myself had fertility drugs and IUI before IVF, which was miserable at the time but did give me a chance to come to terms with my infertility before facing into IVF.
I recommend that you go back to your doc and ask her whether there are any alternative treatment options in your case. This time write down a list of questions in advance so you can be sure you get to ask them all. Also do a bit of research on what ICSI involves. I didn't have ICSI myself but the info I was given by the clinic that treated me indicates that this option usually has higher success rates than straightforward IVF. I don't know why this is, but that is what the stats indicate. In relation to her recommendation to go for treatment immediately. I can imagine this is a bit of a shock but the rotten, hard, totally unfair etc fact is that female age is a major influence on IVF success rates. That doesn't mean that older women don't have success, but it is a consideration in deciding what to so in your case.
If you are in Ireland around the time of a NISIG meeting why don't you try to come along? You know just meeting other people in the same situation is a great tonic for isolation.
all the best
Sparky
I too am really sorry to see what you are going through and how tough you are finding things. It's a most isolating position to find yourself in and it is very common to feel alone, particularly when all around you appear able to reproduce at will! I know we'd never wish this experience on anyone, let alone on our loved ones, but it's very hard when no-one understands what you're going through. But - as you're seeing - there are actually lots of people out there who are going through the same thing as you and who are also struggling, and people who've been through it and come out the other end, and survived. That was the thing I found most reassuring about making contact with others in a similar situation, was seeing (a) that we weren't alone (b) I wasn't going mad and (c) I would survive this!
Like Sparky, my husband and I were sent for IUI prior to IVF which kind of prepared the way for us, although it was gruelling at the time. To be sent straight for IVF with ICSI is a shock to you both. On the plus side, though, it does offer good odds for success, given your diagnosis. But it's such a leap for your husband and you to make that it's no wonder you're reeling with the shock. I think the clinics sometimes forget the major step it is for every couple to take, as they are so used to dealing with the practicalities of treatment. You perhaps need some time to absorb the news and get your own heads around it.
Regarding some of the practical questions you posed - it might be worth asking these of your own clinic as they can vary. I know the clinic I attended most recently gives couples the choice of whether unfertilized eggs might be used in research or whether they would be disposed of. (Our spare embryos have been frozen for use by us in future cycles.) As for wondering if the hormones will affect you, the answer to that is, more than likely! But with the support of other people who are going or have been through the same thing, you get to know what to expect and to sound off to others on off-days. Personally, I found the initial lot of drugs (for downregulating - to shut my ovaries down) to be relatively OK although I had headaches on a couple of days. The medication to stimulate the ovaries kicked in for me after about six days and I felt tender and a bit swollen - and also nervous but this is just normal at that stage of the cycle. There are then other meds given for after Embryo Transfer to help support the embryo in the womb - progesterone and sometimes other medications - and they make you feel like your period is on the way, which is worrying when that's exactly what you are trying to avoid! The Two Week Wait after IVF feels like forever and, again, it's a big help if you have the support of people who really understand when you are going through that.
I'm really sorry also to hear that your poor husband feels like he's responsible for what's happening to you both. It's so difficult when one party feels to blame. In reality, infertility is a couple's problem and blame does not and should not enter into it. (I know that is easy to say - in my own case, it's primarily down to me, so I do feel responsible myself.) I think the only thing to do is to try to ensure the paths of communication remain open and you approach the problem and its various solutions as a couple.
The very best of luck to you, Mellie.
Hello everyone - especially Folle, Sparky and Caitriona,
I just wanted to say a huge thank you for your lovely replies and for taking the time to write back with such great advice and words of wisdom. You have really lifted me when I needed to be lifted so a big thank you from the bottom of my heart !!
This week has been a pretty dismal one because my Consultant called me on Wednesday to say that I need to undergo a 'Hysteroscopy' on the 29/10 (with general anaesthetic) as I could have a polyp. Three weeks ago I had a fallopian tube x-ray carried out (with water & dye) and she spotted what she thought was an 'air bubble' and after having a 2nd opinion from the top Consultant in the hospital they think that I should have the Hysteroscopy to be on the safe side and they will remove the polyp if it is there. This needs to be done before undergoing IVF.
I have taken on-board everything you have mentioned in your replies and am going to come up with a good list of questions to ask her. For the moment we are just taking it day by day and have not set a date for starting IVF but I guess we'll have to face that after the 29th..
Well thanks again to everyone! I don't feel alone with this anymore and this has given me hope and most importantly great support !
I wish you all a really wonderful weekend - we're going to have a very sunny one here in Brussels which is great for the morale!
Warmest wishes,
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