• See your parents and other family members a week or two beforehand instead, so they know you care about them. This will leave you free to spend the day quietly.
• Decide which events you feel comfortable attending and which you would rather avoid, especially the ones at which you know there will be a lot of children or pregnant women. Remember that you don’t have to accept every invitation.
• If you do decide to attend events that may be difficult, stay only as long as you feel comfortable. Don’t say that you will stay for the whole day, but rather that you will come. Perhaps arriving and leaving at different times will help you avoid the most painful aspects of the gathering.
• If people know what you are experiencing it may help to explain that you find this time of year difficult so that they understand why you may not want to participate fully.
• Spend some time with others who also don’t have children.
• Set up another time over the festive season that you can enjoy and perhaps to which only adults are invited.
• Attend a late Christmas Eve church service rather than the family service on Christmas Day.
• Think about getting right away from it all, possibly spending a couple of days in the back of beyond in a tent, or planning your annual holiday for this time. You can make a conscious choice not to celebrate Christmas in the traditional way, or even to celebrate it at all.
• Make it special for you as a couple. Old family traditions may not fulfil your present needs. You may be able to develop new traditions and rituals that are meaningful for you and allow you to celebrate Christmas with pleasure.
• Spend time with your partner, sharing how it feels for you both at this time. Allow yourself to acknowledge the sadness, emptiness and loss that you experience with infertility. Recognise the hurdles that you have overcome together.
• Appreciate the friends and family members who have supported you through the year – and tell them so! Stay in touch with other friends with fertility issues. They are in the same boat and can understand and offer the support that perhaps you family cannot.
• Spend time doing the things you really enjoy: preparing a spectacular meal, soaking in a bubble bath, walking on the beach, or just curling up with a good book. You’ve had a difficult year and you deserve to pamper yourselves.
• Handle the Christmas feasting in ways they feel comfortable for you.

• Forget that you need each other, especially during these difficult days.
• Pretend that there is nothing wrong and carry on with “business as usual”.
• Be caught off guard by unexpected or embarrassing questions about your plans for having a family.
• Feel that you have to disclose all the intimate details of you situation.
• Expect other to understand your pain. Refer to it briefly and ask that they support you by respecting your choices.
• Shop at large shopping centres with Santa’s and hordes of excited children. Try smaller shops and mail – order catalogues if you find it difficult to face the constant holiday cheer.
• Feel guilty about not participating in all the traditional family celebrations.
• Deprive yourselves of all chance of having fun.

Wishing you all a happy Chrsitmas and hope all your dreams come true in 2009.

Try and take some time to relax and take some time for each other

Love hugs

Cats & Al

Can't believe it's a year since I put that one up. Reading it again, it's still good advice.  We are very fortunate to have a little girl from our 1st IVF cycle in 2005 but we tried again this year and got a negative result a few weeks ago. Despite the statistics, it's hard not to get your hopes up. We've all had our dreams of being pregnant at Christmas or having our new baby in the house and you're entitled to feel cr*p when it doesn't happen for you.  We should all give ourselves a break and try to do whatever makes us feel ok with things.

All the best to everybody for the New Year

Ger